Well, it happened: On tonight’s episode of “The Bachelor,” Colton Underwood finally jumps the fence.
But why? And WHEN?
Let’s break down this week’s dramatics. (And remember: Tonight is only Part I of a two-night event, with the “Women Tell All” special airing tomorrow.)
Colton addresses at the top of the episode what everyone’s thinking: Is he going to lose his virginity during fantasy suites week? He says he doesn’t have a picture-perfect timeline: “If I feel like I’m in love, I could see it happening, 100 percent.”
The remaining contestants, Tayshia, Cassie and Hannah G., and Colton head to Algarve, Portugal. Tayshia gets time with him first.
The first fantasy suite
Colton and Tayshia’s relationship reaches new heights (literally) when they go up in a helicopter and take in the country’s beauty. They share a cheeky exchange up in the air, obviously:
Colton: “I wonder what, other than figs, do they export?”
Tayshia: “They do olive oil.”
Colton “Extra-virgin though.”
They later debrief (on a cliff with a beautiful ocean view) about her hometown and all their “firsts” together. (Remember the bungee jumping and skydiving?) “There’s nobody else who I have experienced more things (with) that I’ve never thought in the world I would experience,” Colton tells her.
“I hope tonight it’s gonna show me how we interact with each other in a private, intimate moment,” he later says.
During dinner Tayshia reveals that she, too, waited to have sex, and that her ex-husband was the first person she slept with. “I understand the value in waiting until you feel comfortable and sharing it with someone that you feel special with,” she says.
A year and a half into her marriage, her husband cheated on her. She was ashamed of it, but it made her realize her self-worth because she’s been through the hardest part of a relationship.
Colton promises he will always be truthful and that it would never happen if it’s them at the end of this.
Time for the fantasy suite!
“I don’t know if he’ll wake up a virgin tomorrow,” Tayshia says in a voiceover. (Anyone getting Demi vibes?)
“I’ve thought about the first time several times and how it would go and how it would be,” Colton says via voiceover. (Though “several” sounds like quite the understatement, judging on this episode alone, buddy.)
He elaborates in an aside: ” … I’ve been very close. I mean I’ve pretty much done every-like, I’m experienced in other ways.”
The door closes and we find the couple in bed together. So, uh, what happened?
“Last night was new territory for both of us. It was interesting,” Tayshia says in an aside. She could pick up on how nervous he was going into the fantasy suite. “We didn’t have, like, the physical intimacy that I wanted, but I got to see him for who he truly is and it just validated my feelings for him.” So, seems like the virgin stayed a virgin.
Tayshia tells Colton she loves him. He later says he’s not in love with her but is falling in love. He feels great in their relationship, but he’s still thinking about the other two relationships.
Is Cassie ready for an engagement?
Colton picks up Cassie in a convertible, and as usual the two have effortless chemistry. Colton hopes they can be in love by the end of the night. They eat together and joke about getting matching pajamas. They even dance in the middle of the street to an accordion player and end up swapping partners with some fellow dancers for a bit.
Then, the episode takes a twist: “Cassie makes me feel complete,” Colton says via voiceover. He would love nothing more than to hear Cassie is falling in love with him. He now knows for sure he loves Cassie, point-blank. (!!!!)
Over on Cassie’s end: She could see a future with him but wishes they had more time.
They start talking about her hometown date when Colton drops a bombshell: Her dad didn’t give approval for an engagement. This alarms Cassie, but Colton says it’s not discouraging him in their relationship. She’s frustrated wishes he didn’t tell her about this sooner. Her father’s blessing is important to her.
A surprise visit for Cassie
Who shows up to visit Cassie in Portugal? The man of the hour (OK, two hours): Her father, Matt! He’s concerned about an engagement.
Cassie says she wants her family to be supportive, and they weren’t as supportive as she thought they would be. Matt asks if she loves Colton, telling her that Colton says he’s falling love with her. She says she thinks she loves him and she wishes she had more time. She doesn’t want it to be over with him, but is scared.
Matt says there shouldn’t be any hesitation in your mind when you meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. “I don’t want to dictate at all what you do … but don’t hesitate to follow where your heart is,” he says.
Cassie says in an aside she wants what her parents have and that she doesn’t have that right now. She says she has to send herself home (one of many this season) and hopes she can go through with it.
Does Cassie go home?
“Cass is the one,” Colton says. “My heart is complete when I think of Cassie.” Um, this is going to get awkward.
Cassie tells Colton her dad showed up, and says, “I don’t want to see you leave here not having what you came here for.” Colton says it’s not worth it if, at the end, he’s not with the person he feels strongest for and has the most potential with.
Cassie tells Colton she’s not in love and feels like she’s having doubts. Colton asks if she’s planning on leaving. Cassie says “mhm,” and says it’s not because she doesn’t care about him, but that she doesn’t know if she can get there with him. She gets up and walks away, second-guessing herself.
Colton goes after her and says he’s OK with being patient. He can’t stop thinking about her when he’s not with her. “It’s not easy going through and going on other dates with other women when all I do is think about you,” he says.
He wants to be with Cassie at the end of this, engagement or not. The two are talking in circles.
“I want you to be with someone who’s, like, insanely in love with you,” she tells him. She’s (yes, again) not sure if she can get there and it breaks her heart, but she can’t do that to him.
He says, “I love you” (and so does Cassie, confusingly), and she gets in the car to leave.
The fence jump heard ’round the world
Colton says, “I’m done. I’m done with this,” in a voiceover.
Someone can be heard saying “somebody get Chris (Harrison)” and Harrison goes after Colton. Then it happens: The (in)famous fence jump! “He just jumped the (expletive) fence,” Harrison says, speaking for all of us.
The gate actually opens (so Colton didn’t need to jump it; he could’ve just asked them to open it!), and the crew goes looking for him in the middle of nowhere.
We’re left with a “TO BE CONTINUED,” because this is reality television and we’ll never be satisfied.
The two-episode finale of “The Bachelor,” in which we will presumably see more of Hannah G., airs next week.